They were screaming. They were whispering. You hear words unfamiliar to your ears. Telling you things you would never say to anyone. Sweet assuring words, vile cruel words. Words. Words. Words. How ruthless they pierce through your soul. Tearing to shreds every ounce of self-belief you built all those years. How would you silence them when they were your own thoughts in the first place? How would you ignore them?
You try to surround yourself with people. You try to appreciate the scene and the weather outside. You try to divert your attention to something that was beautiful and pure. You fail. You try. And you keep trying every single time until it all became overwhelming. Forcing you to give up the useless fight that you kept fighting. So, you let them run free inside your head. Ruining every happy thought you have. Tainting every precious memory with unreasonable doubts. Never letting you grasp on something beautiful because your life is supposed to be bleak, and sad, and depressing. And so, you beat yourself once more. You tell her it is her fault. You tell her she’s weak. You tell her she’s sick in the head. She deserves everything she’s going through. She’s worthless. She’s good for nothing. She’s toxic. And then the vicious cycle continues. You became your own enemy. You became own adversary.
But it was not your fault. You aren’t weak. You aren’t worthless. And you knew it deep down. So please remind yourself more often.